It's a question I've been asking myself as a thought experiment of sorts. The inspiration came from simply thinking about the premise of the Marvel Comics series What if? which featured an alternative history of a classic Marvel storyline in each issue. For example, "What if Doctor Doom had become a hero?" or, "What if Gwen Stacy had lived?" The series is now coming to the screen with an animated show that debuts on Disney+ soon.
It's a fun thought experiment to daydream about (like, what if aliens were real??), but it also can be used for some introspection and self-examination. What if my life circumstances were different than they are? What if I had been born into more or less privilege? Would I still be the same person I am today? What if I went to a different university or if I had found a different circle of friends than I did at school?
Thinking like this can be a humbling exercise because it allows us to recognize that our circumstances greatly affect what we experience and accomplish in life. I have never been homeless; I have never had a disease like cancer; I have never unexpectedly lost a loved one. I have been extremely fortunate.
But in addition, asking ourselves "what if" can be an important part of building a life that we are searching for and desperately want. I was asked recently what kind of life I dream for. It was honestly a piercing question because it can be difficult for me to separate the struggles of day-to-day existence and my short-term goals from the overall direction and purpose of my life. Missing the forest for the trees, I think we often forget that there can be more to life than seeking temporary happiness or a little relief from the hardships of life.
I want to write more about the pursuit of happiness at a later date, but for now I would simply argue that happiness can only be one component of a meaningful life — and that life is made up of purpose, connection, and the pursuit of truth in addition to happiness. Life can be incredibly hard even at some of its best moments, and reminding ourselves of the things we dream for and want to pursue can be a helpful salve. It's a salve that I've been trying to apply by asking myself, what if I reached for the life I really want? What is that life exactly?
Thus, asking "what if" can be a force of positive motivation that reminds us of what we want to accomplish and why we want to accomplish it. The conjunction of the humbling and motivating aspects of this thought experiment allows us to see not only others with empathy but also ourselves.
We are not the sum of our accomplishments, and yet we can accomplish things that give us meaning. And regardless of the circumstances of this meaning, no individual meaning that is truly rooted in purpose, connection, and truth is inferior to any other form or expression of meaning. This is not meant to be a philosophy of self-help but ultimately one of self-compassion.
I'm reminded of this column in the New York Times from a few months back titled, "What if the Pain Never Ends?" The author describes her experience with chronic, debilitating back pain that often leaves her helpless. She writes that at first "the most acute discomfort was the fear that the pain would never end and that my notion of a pain-free life had always been a fantasy." However, she realizes that the experience of her pain exposes the mistaken cultural belief "in the inherent superiority of a life of full physical ability."
What if our lives were sidelined by chronic pain or sudden loss? What if that is the reality of your life? Melissa Febos concludes that the experience of her pain has left her with this realization:
"My worst nightmare is no longer to live in a state of chronic pain and dependency, but to resume my old belief that such a life is inferior."
What if the worst happens? What if it doesn't? In either circumstance we can — without disregarding how difficult and painful our situation may be — hold ourselves up high with resolve, humility, gratitude, and understanding towards others and ourselves.
So, try asking yourself "what if."
Thanks,
Nathan
What I've been watching: All of the Marvel Disney+ shows — WandaVision, Falcon & the Winter Soldier, and Loki. I was skeptical at first, but I really enjoyed these shows and Loki was probably my favorite.
Soundtrack to this newsletter: Sam Fender's 2019 album Hypersonic Missiles. "You can join their club if you're born in to money / It's a high time for hypersonic missiles."
What I've been reading: The Stranger by Albert Camus (for the second time), and Speaker for the Dead by Orson Scott Card (a sequel to Ender's Game). "It's good to read a novel," I remind myself.